Update

News just in:

• I went rock climbing, thus completing half of the February Challenge.
• I fit the harness
• I did not break anything
• I climbed to the top of the wall
• I am so so SO proud, shed a few tears
• Full report to follow

"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is a light shining somewhere nearby"
Ruth Renkel

5 Things I'm Proud Of #6

It's Friday, you know what time it is, time to be proud of all the things you've done. Share in the comments, go on, I dare ya!

1. Getting up early to clean the house

2. Walking home from work

3. Realising I really need to go back to week 2 of the push up challenge, and doing it with good form

4. Resisting the biscuit tin at work

5. Not making any excuses, I'm about to go indoor rock climbing, finally!

"Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday"
Unknown

Dear Doctor

Dear Doctor,

I'm writing to you in preparation for our appointment next week in regards to my ongoing knee pain. I have great respect for Doctors, I've worked with many wonderful physicians over the years, smart, quick, responsible, but I have also encountered many as a patient, been laughed at, judged, misdiagnosed, treated unfairly.

So I thought, in order to assist us both in making the process easier and more efficient i would come up with terms of behaviour, so that we may respect each other and achieve the outcomes we desire.

I will

• Arrive on time
• Explain my problem in a succinct manner
• Tell you whether I am prepared to do what you ask of me
• Thank you
• Appreciate your ability to refer when you feel you don't understand the situation

You will

• Apologise for keeping me waiting
  
• Listen to me
• Ask questions to clarify my explanation
• Respect that I am an intelligent individual
• Do a proper assessment
• Understand that this is my knee, the knee that means I can't be as active as I want, the knee that means I've given up on bush walking, running, squatting, the knee that may mean nothing to you, oh Dr, but means everything to me.

Thank you for your time, I look forward to working with you to get me back out there.

Yours in gratitude,
Berni

"Surgeons must be very careful
When they take the knife!
Underneath their fine incisions
Stirs the Culprit - Life!"

Emily Dickinson

Support Team

Not unlike Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman, on their adventures around the globe, us mere mortal folk also need a support team for when things get rough. Support can come in all shapes and sizes, friends cheering you on, the loving sister convincing you that you don't need to go anywhere near the Tim Tams, and of course the wonderful blogosphere, full of amazing people doing their thing.

A new thing for me is learning to support myself. Breaking that old habit of putting myself down and turning it into a spring of motivational statements, applause and yeeehahs, is somewhat challenging at times.

Sometime I listen to myself chatting away with myself, being all Anthony Robbinsesque and I can't help but think maaaaan this is just too much. Maybe it's an Aussie thing, we aren't known for our ability to motivate and support our high achievers, hell there is even a Wikipedia entry about it.

Whatever it is, I'm working on it, one day at a time, the team is there with radio support whenever I need it and on those days that we don't have reception, I am now able to dust off the cobwebs and become my own cheering squad, and it's kinda nice.

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten"
Anthony Robbins

5 Things I'm Proud Of #5

Friday is here again and it's time to look back over the week and remember all the little things. I've been doing this for a while now and I find that it really helps me to stay focused and positive.... so here we go.....

1. Finishing week 4 of the push up challenge, which involved doing an exhaustion test to see how many push ups I could do in a row...... I've found that I need to go back to week 3 and go from there, but that's OK, my form is getting much better and I'm really loving the challenge.

2. Starting a routine which will mean that I actually get my distance education subjects done.

3. Losing 3 cms off my waist..... huh where did it go? I can't find it anywhere. Such a shame, I was so fond of that flab roll ^-^

4. Resting my knee despite feeling frustrated about it.

5. Organising my jewelery from little piles all over the house into one easily accessible drawer. Little things make big differences.

So do tell, what are you proud of this week?

"Let us not take ourselves too seriously. None of us has a monopoly on wisdom"
Queen Elizabeth

Fab Feb, challenge update......

This should be a report about my fear facing exploits scaling the impossibly high wall at the local indoor rock climbing joint. Alas it is not. Should I disclose my excuses for not going? I think not. They are super lame.... something along the lines of "I'm so tired.... the house is so messy". Yep lame.

I have not faced the fear, I have not even come close..... and lets not even talk about the SCUBA diving.... I mean really, a girl needs time to psych herself up for that kind of stuff.... and money, and I surely don't see much of that lying around lately.

I guess I had good intentions..... or did I? Did I pick two outrageous activities, a short time span (the shortest month of the year even) and then just assume they would happen because I blogged about it? Maybe.

I think this experience is pretty indicative of my weight loss attempts in the past. I start some crazy diet, embark on a ball breaking exercise routine, tell every one about it and then wait for it all to happen to me....... and then it doesn't, or it does for a few days and then I crumble, it really is inhumane to exclude carbs people. Really. I know. I've tried. Too many times.

I am doing it again, sure I'm feeling all proud and righteous about not starting a fad diet, and sticking to exercise I like and can actually do. But here I am sneaking in a goal that's a little out of reach right now, you know why? I do, so I can fail, Sabotaging Me will love it, she's been so quiet lately but I noticed this morning I could hear her smirking. She's looked at the calender, she knows February is nearly over, she's sitting there quietly waiting so she can jump out and yell "Ha Ha Ha. I knew it... you fool, as if you would ever go rock climbing.... and SCUBA diving! Ha. Really?......"

Then I would fall into a pit of despair, forget about all the realistic progress I have made and mope around feeling like a fraud.....

Well I'm sorry to tell you SM, the ruse is up. I know what you're at and it aint gunna fly down here at Healthy Lifestyle Be Kind to Yourself Ranch.... no sirree. Back to the drawing board lady, I'm on to you!

February continues........ watch this space for updates.

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it"
Robin Williams

Weekend Challenge

Now this isn't a challenge like the January Challenge nor the February Challenge. This is the ongoing struggle that is the weekend, time to catch up with friends, eat drink and be merry. This weekend's challenges included my all time favourite Malaysian place, yum cha and a new exciting totally delicious experience, Brazillian Churrascaria. There are always healthy options but, why oh why is it so hard to stick with them?

The next challenge I faced on the weekend was the return of an old injury, the dodgy knee, a very technical term, I know. I've had said knee poked, prodded, acupunctured, X-rayed, ultrasounded, taped and heat treated to no avail. There isn't any apparent damage or disorder, but when it hurts it really really hurts. I was totally off my feet for about a month last year after ignoring the signs, ending up in a swollen painful mess.

This time I'm listening to my body and resting up. The sad thing is I think what has caused this unwanted revisitation is the starting of the Couch to 5K program this week, which now must be shelved until a later date. I'm bummed out , I was really looking forward to the wind in my hair, my first race, my first marathon, triathlon.... ehhem.... getting a little carried away there.

I guess it's back to the basics, somedays it really does feel like one step forward two steps back, this is such a long road and I feel like I'm looking up at a mountain today.

"Still round the corner there may wait, a new road, or a secret gate"
J.R.R. Tolkein

5 Things I'm Proud Of Today #4

Hey folks, it's that time again, time to focus on the positives and remind ourselves of achievements other than a decreasing number on the scale.

1. Reaching Week 4 of the push up challenge.

2. Testing my real proper push-up ability and finding I can now do 1 real push-up...... yippee!!

3. Increasing my basic cardio routine by 66% in the last 2 months.... slow and steady really works.

4. Starting the Couch to 5k running program.

5. Fitting into a pair of jeans that have been firmly in the too small pile I've got stashed away in my spare room.... wooohooo!!

Share along in the comments....... what cool things have you been up to?

"Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people"
Nido Qubein

Some Numbers and a Lifestyle Change

The last few weeks I've been thinking more and more about this whole lifestyle change thing. You know how it goes, you reach for a protein bar instead of a meal and "they" shout out, that won't work, you must change your lifestyle. I have to say, "they" are right. Considering all the pills, shakes, bars and strange mono diets that have passed my lips I should be a representation of the ideal body by now, but alas I aint.

I have tried this lifestyle approach in the past, worked out what I believe to be the perfect routine and then proceeded to do it, let's just say the whole macrobiotic, yoga, pilates, situation didn't last too long. Yesterday I realised where I'd gone wrong, I was imitating what I thought was a healthy lifestyle rather than building my healthy life.

I feel that despite the ups and downs of all my dieting and attempts at imitating Gwyneth Paltrow's diet and fitness regime, I have to say I'm really glad I've tried. In trying I've created the perfect trial and error testing ground, I know what works for me, whether that be weighing myself once a month or not restricting food groups.

The best thing is I can't fail now, because I'm creating this. If something doesn't work, it's not because I'm a big fat idiot who can't do anything right, it's because that approach wasn't right for me and in finding that, I'm getting closer and closer to what is right, and that's a good feeling.

Oh, and here are some new numbers....

Starting point 13/11/08
Weight: 109.9kg
Bust: 115cm
Upper Arm: 36cm
Waist (narrowest part): 95cm
Waist (at belly button): 114cm
Hips: 127cm
Upper Thigh: 76cm
Knee: 49cm
Calf: 46cm

11/02/09
Weight: 107.6kg (1/2/09)
Bust: 111cm
Upper Arm: 34cm
Waist #1: 91cm
Waist #2: 99cm/111cm- not sure of tape placement here....
Hips: 124cm
Upper Thigh: 72cm
Knee: 46cm
Calf: 45cm

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was"
Walt West

Why I'm determined to lose weight

I've felt the focus slipping a bit these last few days so I thought I'd just remind myself of why I want to do this once and for all, and here, for your reading pleasure, are some of the reasons......

So I feel strong, healthy, flexible and move forward in life

So I never feel like I don't deserve things/experiences ever again

So I never have to shop in the plus sized section again

So I don't feel the sides of an airplane seat crushing me in

So I feel like the outside is an expression of the inside

So I can get excited about dressing up to go out

So I can say I did it.

So I can include I lost 40kgs on one of my 5 Things I'm Proud Of posts, then laugh and giggle and run around the room shouting hurray hurraay hurrrahh!!

"If you are going through hell, keep going"
Winston Churchill

5 Things I'm Proud Of #3

Here we go again folks, don't forget to focus on the positives no matter how small.

1. Making it to Day 1 Week 3 of the Push Up Challenge.... ouch

2. Getting over the weigh day doom and gloom.... back on track, ready to rock.

3. Setting a time for rock climbing...... aaahhhhrk, still pretty freaked out.

4. Cooking instead of eating out despite my total lack of inspiration and burning desire to eat here.

5. The wonderful community at MizFit......... what a cool bunch of peeps, so proud to be in such great company.

So get loud, be proud, what are you up to?

"Don't worry bout a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright"
Bob Marley

February's Challenge-Facing the Fear

This months challenge is all about doing things I've wanted to do for a while but had some crazy irrational fear stopping me.

This are two of them:

Indoor rock climbing...... eeek! It's not what you think, I am not scared of heights. I'm terrified to the point of shaking of not fitting in the harness, ripping the support rings out of the ceiling with my humungous heaviness, not being able to haul my lard ass up the wall.

SCUBA diving......... ahhhrk! Again not what you think, no fear of being eaten by sharks, no fear of being under water. My very real long term fear is that they won't have a wet suit to fit me.

So what are your fears? Are you ready to face them?

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, that's where the fruit is"
H. Jackson Browne

Weigh Day

So it's the 1st of February today and the official end of January's Challenge. I woke early this morning drifting in and out of sleep, dreaming of weighing myself, sometimes I gained, sometimes I lost, most of the dreams ended just before I saw that number pop up. When I finally was awake enough to contemplate the task ahead I padded down the hall trying to work out if I hadn't already done this, the dreams seemed so real.

I got the Wii balance board all ready only to discover it had run out of batteries, damn! With my heart beating a little faster I pulled apart the remotes looking for the right ones. Batteries in place I followed the prompts and impatiently waited for the result.

A loss of 900gms...... hmm, disappointment surrounded me as I stood there staring at the screen. Can that be right? It's been six weeks. Shoulders slumped I crawled back into bed next to the sleeping Ninja and shed a tear or two. As I slipped back into dream land I felt the weight of a bad weigh day hit me and I thought "hmmmmm here it comes, maybe I can sleep through it?"

I woke up and had a chat to The Ninja about my disappointment, we talked about the time frame, that a two week Christmas New Year Holiday fell in my six weeks and that that time wasn't exactly spent with weight loss in mind, in fact I probably gained weight. I still felt a bit sad, then she came back, Sabotaging Me crept into my mind without a sound and said loud and clear "you can't do anything right, you're not even working right now, all you have to do is focus on weight loss and you can't even do that".

I could have fell down right there, I felt the pull into the abyss, I started stumbling toward the edge, I could feel my heart sinking, the tears rolling, the happiness of the last six weeks ebbing away. I mustered all my strength, came back to reality and said "NO!" SM scuttled away back into her cage. I'm facing today like any other day, I'm going to keep on keeping on, because that's all I can do, and I'm going to be proud of every gram of that 900 because that's 900gms in the right direction.

"Little by little one walks far"

Peruvian Proverb