Some Numbers and a Lifestyle Change

The last few weeks I've been thinking more and more about this whole lifestyle change thing. You know how it goes, you reach for a protein bar instead of a meal and "they" shout out, that won't work, you must change your lifestyle. I have to say, "they" are right. Considering all the pills, shakes, bars and strange mono diets that have passed my lips I should be a representation of the ideal body by now, but alas I aint.

I have tried this lifestyle approach in the past, worked out what I believe to be the perfect routine and then proceeded to do it, let's just say the whole macrobiotic, yoga, pilates, situation didn't last too long. Yesterday I realised where I'd gone wrong, I was imitating what I thought was a healthy lifestyle rather than building my healthy life.

I feel that despite the ups and downs of all my dieting and attempts at imitating Gwyneth Paltrow's diet and fitness regime, I have to say I'm really glad I've tried. In trying I've created the perfect trial and error testing ground, I know what works for me, whether that be weighing myself once a month or not restricting food groups.

The best thing is I can't fail now, because I'm creating this. If something doesn't work, it's not because I'm a big fat idiot who can't do anything right, it's because that approach wasn't right for me and in finding that, I'm getting closer and closer to what is right, and that's a good feeling.

Oh, and here are some new numbers....

Starting point 13/11/08
Weight: 109.9kg
Bust: 115cm
Upper Arm: 36cm
Waist (narrowest part): 95cm
Waist (at belly button): 114cm
Hips: 127cm
Upper Thigh: 76cm
Knee: 49cm
Calf: 46cm

11/02/09
Weight: 107.6kg (1/2/09)
Bust: 111cm
Upper Arm: 34cm
Waist #1: 91cm
Waist #2: 99cm/111cm- not sure of tape placement here....
Hips: 124cm
Upper Thigh: 72cm
Knee: 46cm
Calf: 45cm

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was"
Walt West

Why I'm determined to lose weight

I've felt the focus slipping a bit these last few days so I thought I'd just remind myself of why I want to do this once and for all, and here, for your reading pleasure, are some of the reasons......

So I feel strong, healthy, flexible and move forward in life

So I never feel like I don't deserve things/experiences ever again

So I never have to shop in the plus sized section again

So I don't feel the sides of an airplane seat crushing me in

So I feel like the outside is an expression of the inside

So I can get excited about dressing up to go out

So I can say I did it.

So I can include I lost 40kgs on one of my 5 Things I'm Proud Of posts, then laugh and giggle and run around the room shouting hurray hurraay hurrrahh!!

"If you are going through hell, keep going"
Winston Churchill

5 Things I'm Proud Of #3

Here we go again folks, don't forget to focus on the positives no matter how small.

1. Making it to Day 1 Week 3 of the Push Up Challenge.... ouch

2. Getting over the weigh day doom and gloom.... back on track, ready to rock.

3. Setting a time for rock climbing...... aaahhhhrk, still pretty freaked out.

4. Cooking instead of eating out despite my total lack of inspiration and burning desire to eat here.

5. The wonderful community at MizFit......... what a cool bunch of peeps, so proud to be in such great company.

So get loud, be proud, what are you up to?

"Don't worry bout a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright"
Bob Marley

February's Challenge-Facing the Fear

This months challenge is all about doing things I've wanted to do for a while but had some crazy irrational fear stopping me.

This are two of them:

Indoor rock climbing...... eeek! It's not what you think, I am not scared of heights. I'm terrified to the point of shaking of not fitting in the harness, ripping the support rings out of the ceiling with my humungous heaviness, not being able to haul my lard ass up the wall.

SCUBA diving......... ahhhrk! Again not what you think, no fear of being eaten by sharks, no fear of being under water. My very real long term fear is that they won't have a wet suit to fit me.

So what are your fears? Are you ready to face them?

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, that's where the fruit is"
H. Jackson Browne

Weigh Day

So it's the 1st of February today and the official end of January's Challenge. I woke early this morning drifting in and out of sleep, dreaming of weighing myself, sometimes I gained, sometimes I lost, most of the dreams ended just before I saw that number pop up. When I finally was awake enough to contemplate the task ahead I padded down the hall trying to work out if I hadn't already done this, the dreams seemed so real.

I got the Wii balance board all ready only to discover it had run out of batteries, damn! With my heart beating a little faster I pulled apart the remotes looking for the right ones. Batteries in place I followed the prompts and impatiently waited for the result.

A loss of 900gms...... hmm, disappointment surrounded me as I stood there staring at the screen. Can that be right? It's been six weeks. Shoulders slumped I crawled back into bed next to the sleeping Ninja and shed a tear or two. As I slipped back into dream land I felt the weight of a bad weigh day hit me and I thought "hmmmmm here it comes, maybe I can sleep through it?"

I woke up and had a chat to The Ninja about my disappointment, we talked about the time frame, that a two week Christmas New Year Holiday fell in my six weeks and that that time wasn't exactly spent with weight loss in mind, in fact I probably gained weight. I still felt a bit sad, then she came back, Sabotaging Me crept into my mind without a sound and said loud and clear "you can't do anything right, you're not even working right now, all you have to do is focus on weight loss and you can't even do that".

I could have fell down right there, I felt the pull into the abyss, I started stumbling toward the edge, I could feel my heart sinking, the tears rolling, the happiness of the last six weeks ebbing away. I mustered all my strength, came back to reality and said "NO!" SM scuttled away back into her cage. I'm facing today like any other day, I'm going to keep on keeping on, because that's all I can do, and I'm going to be proud of every gram of that 900 because that's 900gms in the right direction.

"Little by little one walks far"

Peruvian Proverb