28 November 2008

Coming down......

There's the initial rush of conformity, the high of a decent loss and then the concept of the road that lies ahead sets in, and you really do come down from that feeling of being able to change your world. Sabotaging Me trots out in her high heels and reminds me that I've been here before, this feeling of potential achievement has crashed down before and she glowingly reminds me how that went.

My dearest J Rose, who is such an inspiration in the weight loss stakes, recently emailed me her support and said there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't struggle with this battle, and she's right. There are ALWAYS temptations, opportunities to slip up or not bother, whether it's the sweets The Patron Saint of My Current Existence brings back from Japan, or the fact that The Folks are visiting for the weekend, I am always going to have to make choices, and at times, those choices seem hard to make.

The Ninja is always reminding me I'm too hard on myself, that SM comes out way to often to drag me down into a pit of apathy and resignation. Why is it that we hold on to our SM's? Why can't we all just let them run free together in some land inside our heads, beating each other up until all that is left is a few blobs of subconsciousness, wibble wobbling on the floor like jelly on a plate. Why do we love them so?

As I sit here with SM rattling her cage desperate to get out, I remember all the other times I have let her at me, all the times I've made a choice that has meant that I haven't got what I wanted, and I think maybe it's time to let her go. Not lock her up so that she can find a way to escape later and catch me by surprise, but really let her go. I'm not sure how to do it yet so for now I'm just going to keep on keeping on, go through the motions and see where that takes me.

"We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit


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